Am I over you?
by Kadesch
Summary: Let's just say, things are a little bit different. Might have some strong sexual content in a following chapter but hey, it's Sex and the City
1. Back

_Auther's Note: Same as in the stories before_

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There was a knock on the door.

Who could it be? She didn't expect anyone anymore, it was late and she was just about going to bed.

She opened the door and was surprised.

"What are you doing he…?"

She didn't get any further cause his lips were closing her mouth. He lifted her into his arms, closed the door and carried her over to her bed.

"I missed you so much!" he mumbled kissing her while he gently got on top of her.

"I came here straight from the airport."

Just catching her breath she wanted to stop him. But then he pressed his erection between her legs.

God, how she had missed his passion.

She panted for air and just tried to stop him with her hands on his chest.

"Hey, who was … what the fuck is going on here?"

Oh no, Aiden! He was getting out of the shower, a towel wound around his hip.

"What the fu… you have a boyfriend?"

He desisted from her, looked at Aiden confused but stayed where he was. Carrie couldn't say anything; the situation took her breath away.

"Rather a fiancé. Would you please step away from her?"

"Fuck! That's why you didn't answer my letters anymore and didn't pick up the phone!"

Looking hurt at her he stood up and walked towards the door, opened it.

"And I – idiot! – packed my job for coming back to you!"

He slammed the door behind him.

"Carrie, who was that?"

Sill lying on the bed, not being able to move, she just answered throaty:

"Big."

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_Hope you like the beginning. If you do, tell me ;-)_  



	2. Girls Talk

_Author's note: Sorry that I didn't update for such a long time! I had a really hard semester at university but now it's finished. As I wrote in my profile I have the finished story in my book but in German. Translating needs some time especially when there's so much else to do. But here is the next chapter and there are some more on the way ;-) Hope you like it._

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„And the look he gave me when he went out the door… It was awful! He looked so … hurt."

The three women were astonished. Carrie had just told them about her last evening and the things that had happened. For a moment they were speechless. Samantha's voice was the first one to recover:

"And you really didn't know that he was coming back?"

"No! It hurt me so much when he was leaving for Paris eight month ago. If I hadn't got to know Aiden a short time after he had left I probably would have died inside."

The others nodded at this unpleasant memory.

"I sometimes wrote Big back, we kept flirting a little bit like we always did. Sometimes he called me. But when it got serious with Aiden I cut it back. Two month ago I stopped reading his letters and erased all his messages on my machine to finally get over him. Otherwise I couldn't have accepted the ring last week."

All four of them looked down on her engagement ring on her finger. It hasn't been easy for her to accept it but Aiden was treating her so well, she didn't want to loose him. Even tough Big had caused a huge confusion of feelings inside of her.

"What did Aiden say? After all Big was lying on top of you when he saw you." Miranda asked worried.

"I had to explain him everything, what else could I have done? Now he is afraid, of cause."

"Well he has to! We all know that Big is Niagara Falls to you, even so I don't understand why you are still so attached to him. After all he has done to you!"

Miranda disliked, perhaps even hated Big. To her, Aiden was the right one for her and she wouldn't change her opinion that easy.

Charlotte was still just sitting there, thinking. It seemed like she didn't even follow the discussion. Now she talked so low that the others nearly missed it.

"He really loves her."

The others where horrified.

"What did you say?"

"He really loves Carrie. He came back for her, packed in his job in Paris and came to her straight from the airport for being with her. That's so romantic. Why didn't you just tell the poor guy about Aiden?"

"I didn't take his letters serious! I thought they were just for amusement. I was sure that he had a new girlfriend in Paris. How could I know?"

"By reading his letters!"

"Exceptionally I have to agree with Charlotte." Samantha sighed.

"The only question left is: Do you still have feelings for him?"

"Hello! She has got Aiden! It can't be true that especially you, Charlotte, are taking Big's side!" Miranda yelled.

"I just want Carrie to be happy! The man she had loved most comes back to her with such a romantic gesture. It's up to her what she wants to do. So, do you still have feelings for him?"

They looked at Carrie expectant. Carrie looked up, unsecured.

"I got Aiden. Aiden never hurt me. Why should I do this to him?"

"There you go!" Miranda acclaimed.

"But you have to tell Big why you feel this way. You have to be fair!" Charlotte said with a piercing glance.

"B-b-but I don't have his new number, I don't even know if he has checked in a hotel or where he is."

Miranda nodded but Samantha had a thought:

"My agency is throwing a party for his firm this evening. I think he will be there after giving up his job in Paris. I can take you with me and you can talk to him. Of cause only if you want to."

"I don't know. Do you really think I should do this?"

Miranda was shaking her head but before she could start to speak, Charlotte said:

"Of cause! You can't do this to him after he did that for you!"

Samantha just gave a shrug.

"OK, than please pick me up this evening."

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_ I know that some of you will wonder why Charlotte is so pro-Big, but after the end of the serie and on some moments during it we can see that she somehow likes him, if he would__ just__ take his relationship with Carrie serious. So she was perfect to give Carrie some thoughts even if she is with Aiden. She's just romatic ;-)_


	3. In the Taxi

„Hi!" Carrie said when she got into the taxi Samantha was sitting in.

"Nervous?"

"Like hell. But I have to do it, don't I?"

"I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want Miranda to kill me but I think you've got to talk to him."

"I'm just hoping he'll talk to me at all. This look he gave me…" she shuddered. "It still rips into my heart."

"Are you really over him?"

Carrie looked at Sam surprised.

"I mean I don't have a lot of experience with all of this love-stuff but I know how much you have loved him. I can't remember seeing you more hurt than when he left for Paris."

With this Sam disconcerted Carrie. She hadn't allowed herself to ask questions like this.

"But I have Aiden…"

"I know. That's why I didn't say anything at lunch. Aiden is a nice guy…"

"But he isn't Big…"

Carrie got aware of what she had said when she heard her own voice.

"I tried to suppress it but his kisses, his passion, everything I felt in this minute I spend with him… I would have slept with him if Aiden wouldn't have been there. I couldn't have resisted him."

She talked to herself not to Sam who listened intensely.

"And his scent. I just love the way he scents. All night long I could still smell him even though Aiden was lying next to me…"

Desperately she looked at Sam.

"But I love Aiden and I can't risk Big breaking my heart again. Not again!"

"Unfortunately I can't help you with this. You have to do it on your own."

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_;-) Borrowed a "Friends" line. I'll try to update soon if it's desired._


	4. Seeing him

She immediately saw him standing at the other side of the room talking to some guys. She also recognised how good he looked in his suite, what charisma he had. He had to catch the eye of every woman being in the same room with him. He turned and the smile on his face froze on his lips.

"Oh no, that's not looking good…" she thought when she was making her way through the crowd.

"I didn't know they hired you."

"It's still a secret. … I want to talk to you and try to explain everything… if you let me."

She looked directly into his eyes for the first time. She saw a lot of pain in them and she knew that she had caused it.

"Do you have to? I've had enough of your explanation yesterday, I don't need anymore."

"Please."

He looked at her for a long time, than nodded lightly.

"But here?"

"Let's go for a walk."

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_Thank you for the nice words! Sorry that it is so short again! I promise the chapters will get longer from now on ;-)_  



	5. The Walk

_A updated very quick because the last chapter was so short ;-)_

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„ … Yeah, and last week he asked me to marry him and I said yes."

This was the end of the story and they kept walking.

"This all went pretty fast…"

She nodded.

"Is he a good guy?"

"Absolutely. Miranda even says that he is perfect for me."

Oh, she shouldn't have said that. It was a thorn twist in his side. Big tried to smile but she saw that it has hurt him even more.

"It seems like she sees that he is giving you everything that I haven't."

"He has no fear of commitment…"

"Is that what you wanted from me? A marriage proposal?"

"No I just wanted you to accept me as a part of your life."

"I wasn't even able to manage that."

She grabbed his arm and turned him to face her.

"Don't talk like that about yourself. Aiden was looking for a serious relationship when I met him, you weren't. I know that you changed a lot of things for me but it just ended in another way than both of it wanted it."

She looked into his eyes and saw more emotion in them than ever before. Suddenly she couldn't help; she leaned in to kiss him. But he stepped back.

"Why haven't you told me? One letter, one call would have been enough!"

"I didn't think that you would come back, especially not that fast. And the flirts in your letters – I didn't take them really serious. You once wrote that you would probably even stay for a longer time…"

"I quit. I wanted to come back to you. They wanted me to stay in Paris, to move there, but I turned them down."

She felt her heart break. He had only done this for her. He didn't care about his job, just for her.

"Oh, all of them will laugh when they hear that it's all different and I'm totally fucked up now…"


	6. Another Girls Talk

_Finally a new chapter! Sorry, but there is just too much to do!_

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„I will have to talk to him again!" Carrie said before sitting down with the others.

They looked at her in surprise and didn't really know what she was talking about.

"Big. I can't get him out of my head!"

"Why is that? I thought you talked to him yesterday!" Miranda was the first to speak.

"Yeah and it was a good talk. But once…"

"Yes?"

"I stood vis-à-vis to him and told him that he shouldn't think that everything that went wrong in our relationship was his fault. It wasn't that way. And when I looked into his eyes I desperately wanted to take him into my arms and kiss him."

"You didn't do it, did you?"

"No, but just because he stepped back." Carrie sheepishly said.

"But why do you want to talk to him again? You've been away for such a long time yesterday and then went straight to Aiden." Sam asked.

"I don't know about what I want to talk to him but it just can't go on like this."

"But what is about Aiden?" Miranda asked.

"We had a fight yesterday. He doesn't want me to see Big again and wasn't keen about yesterday. And he's right. When we slept together all I could think of was Big. Whenever I closed my eyes I saw his face. Of cause Aiden noticed that something was wrong. When I told him that I needed some time for my own now, he got really angry. He wanted to talk about the wedding again and wanted to set a date. But how can I marry him when I'm thinking about my ex-boyfriend every time he is inside of me?"

"I always thought that you and Big would get back together one day." They all looked at Charlotte surprised.

"Come on, it's true! Big always was afraid of commitment but it had to change one day. Aiden asks too much from her too soon. Or do you really want to get married yet?"

"I don't know."

Sam nodded "Charlotte is right. We all know that you aren't ready yet."

Miranda grumbled hopeless: "But did you forget what he did to her?"

"Have you ever seen Carrie so much in love as she was with Big?" Sam looked deep into her eyes.

"No … yes … I don't know! I'm just so sorry for Aiden."

They all nodded.

Suddenly Carrie quietly said: "I will stay with Aiden. He is the nicest guy I ever met. I can't risk loosing him forever just because I'm somehow still attached to Big. We had our chance twice, now it's over. One day I will finally get over him."

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_I hope you are ready for the final of the story and I will be able to translate it some time :-( _


	7. The Visit

_So, I finaly found the book with my stories again and saw that I didn't finish translating this one. Hope you like it!_

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Big opened the door.

„Oh, hi Carrie, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see how you are doing and what you are doing. May I come in?"

"Of cause."

He stepped aside and she entered the hotel room looking around.

"Oh, you're packed up. Did you find a flat? That was pretty fast!"

"Well, I kind of found something, yeah."

"May I help you in any way? Is it close to your former place?"

"Carrie, I…"

"You know if it's anyhow possible I'd love us to become friends, good friends. We could meet for lunch and maybe you could meet Aiden one day."

"I don't think so…"

"I'm really hoping for it. You'll get over me and…"

"No, that's not it."

"What is it then?"

"Carrie, my new place isn't in New York. I called some people yesterday and after a lot of talking I managed to get the job I turned down last week. I'm moving to Paris."

She felt her knees getting weak. She immediately sat down on a chair. He would be leaving again? Moving to the other side of the world again? This couldn't be true.

"You know, the job is one of the best you can get and I met a cute girl some weeks ago who seemed to be very interested in me. Her name is Natasha. I think I'll give it a shot…"

She sat there her mouth wide open, looking up to him. Could the things he was telling her true? He would be out of her life forever? But what was she expecting? That he would be staying in New York, become her best friend and they would be happy? How should that be possible? She couldn't handle seeing him with another woman. He belonged to her somehow!

He hunkered down in front of her, took her hands in his and looked into her eyes deeply.

"I think it's the best way to handle things. I couldn't bear seeing you with that guy. Watching you marrying him cause you love him more than me."

At that moment she leaned forward and kissed him. Her head was spinning. She couldn't think clearly. She just knew one thing: She couldn't let him go.

But he tried to get away from her.

"But Carrie…"

"Shut up."

"But…"

"Shut up."

He still tried to get away. She let him go a little and looked directly into his eyes.

"Do you want me?"

He could avoid her gaze.

"Than take me!"

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_Is going to get hot? Maybe... ;-)_

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	8. The Passion

_Wow, it was hard to write this chapter in English although I've read some stories like this. Hope you still like it ;-)_

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"Do you want me?"

He couldn't avoid her gaze.

"Then take me!"

She began to kiss him again and this time he couldn't hold it back anymore. He lifted her up and carried her to the bed. When they arrived she had already opened his shirt and touched his naked chest hungrily. He laid her down on the bed and removed her top while she was pulling his shirt over his shoulders. She moaned when she felt his erection on her leg.

He felt so good! He smelled so delicious! How she had missed him and his passion!

He began to kiss her neck, went down to her breasts and got rid of her bra in a second while his hands slid up her leg underneath her skirt. She moaned again. She had to have him.

While he was nibbling on her nipples she opened his belt and trousers and let her hand slide into them finding his manhood. He was breathing heavily.

"So you did miss me, didn't you?" "Oh yeah!" she answered massaging his penis tenderly. He stopped her and placed her hand on top of her head. He realised that this was the only chance he had left to win her back. He had to take it slow.

He removed all of her cloth and only kept on his boxers himself. Tenderly he kissed his way up from her food to her head till he looked into her eyes.

"I love you." He searched her eyes for a reaction but she avoided his gaze and just tried to get rid of his boxers. "I know." She managed to take them off and pulled him on top of her.

"I'm serious." He tried to intensify his statement but she was just pressing herself to him. "I know."

He couldn't resist anymore and pushed himself into her with one deep thrust. Knowing that she loved his animal, passionate side he brought both of them close to the edge soon. "You belong to me." There was no answer. So he almost pulled out of her and looked at her. She was trying to get him back into their rhythm but he refused.

"Look at me." Since he didn't continue she opened her eyes out of a state of trance and looked at him. "You're the one for me." She tried to shake her head but at that moment he pushed into her again, hard. She closed her eyes again ready to get back into their rhythm but he stopped again. "I love you." Another deep thrust. "I don't want to live without you." Another deep thrust.

She wanted to close her eyes again, to let go. But she felt his hand on her cheek and opened her eyes again. "Carrie, look at me. It's me making love to you like this, not your fiancé." He pushed into her again and she moaned surprised. "All the things you're feeling in this moment are because of me." Another thrust.

He was surprised by his self-control himself but he had to do this. He had to show her that she belonged to him or at least he had to hear that she had feelings for him as well for one last time.

"Tell me what you are feeling." She looked at him surprised. He saw all the thoughts in her eyes, all the confusion about her feelings for him and her fiancé. He saw that she wasn't sure if she could go back to him so he began to move again picking up a slow rhythm again. "Tell me." "I..I…I… can't…"

She was about to close her eyes again but he touched her cheek again. "Yes, you can. Or is this just a meaningless fuck for you?" She shook her head. No, this was not meaningless at all. But was it enough? She almost went crazy feeling what he did to her and her body when he began to move faster again. "Oh god!"

He felt that he was close to winning her inner battle. He just had to push her over the emotional edge before making her come. So he stopped again and looked deeply into her eyes when she opened them again. "I love you Carrie!" She wasn't sure if he had said it again or if she was just imagining it but she didn't care. "I love you too John!"

That was all he wanted to hear. He passionately began to move again feeling her fingernails on his back. She moved so he was even deeper inside her so he almost couldn't hold back. But he noticed that Carrie was throwing her head back and they both came moaning loudly.

He rolled off her breathless. Did she mean what she said? Somehow he didn't believe it since she needed so long for telling him. No, she was in love with that other guy not him.

Carrie noticed that he was bringing some space between them. She reached out to caress his cheek but he stopped her. "It's OK."

"What's OK?"

"It's OK. You don't have to pretend. Go back to your Mister Perfect."

"But…"

"Carrie, I just wanted to hear it once again before I'll leave for good. I know that you didn't mean it. You're in love with that other guy. Probably he's just up for vanilla sex and you needed something different again. And there I was and you know that that's not really my way of doing it."

"That's all not true! I really love you! I just didn't want to realise it. Believe me, I just want you. And I've had the best vanilla sex of my life with you."

"Oh really?"

"Oh yeah!" She answered and began to kiss him tenderly again.

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THE END


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